It seems to me that so many people are having these huge, spiritual turn-arounds, and here I am, just maintaining a steady pace learning and loving my God. There is no doubt that I serve the very same God, He is just directing my life differently than that right now. He has promised to stay with me if I promise to stay with Him. I have learned that He knows I'm going to mess up, and mess up, and mess up. When I see people, especially teen-age kids, have these "radical" changes of attitude and life, I struggle to know if it's really God or if they're just putting on a front. Because when you're in a Christian school, peer pressure is still way real, just different. I am trying not to judge, honestly, because some of these kids I still kind of see as what they were just a few short weeks ago. I want it to be real for them, I do, but I know the statistics of people who leave the faith and it hurts my heart to think about their potential and what they may give up as they "grow up".
So, yes, I am out of the boat. But I am not sprinting towards perfection in my Christian walk. I am slowly, unsurely, faithfully walking in the realm of the unknown towards my Jesus. Because He is there waiting for me. He is waiting for me to fall, so He can be the one to pull me up and pull me closer to Him. I am not looking around me trying to assess if other people are sinking on the sea. I am fixing my eyes on You, God. I am out of the safety of my humble jon boat and in uncharted waters. So I will serve You, praise You, and know that You know what's best for me and my life. I will not envy what you've given someone else, because I have rewards specific to my own relationship with Christ. It is my job now to pray and uplift those I worry about, so that my fears are not true and the troubled minds of teenagers can be clear and not cloudy, can be strong and not swayed by the hardships of life. It is my job to focus on my God and reach out my hands to those who may sink around me.
I apologize if this is hard for you to follow, but maybe it struck a chord. The thoughts needed to leave my mind and sort themselves out visually, so I hope you have caught my message and will stop worrying about others and start praying for them.
